Negotiation Quotes

Be sure you: know what you want anticipate what the other party wants sell yourself before you try to sell your ideas expand common ground to reach agreement. Remember that an agreement results from the ultimate expansion of common ground. attack the problem or situation, NOT the other party use the PRAM model: Plan, Relationships, Agreements, Maintenance avoid “hard” negotiating (eg “A lie is not a lie if the truth is not expected”.) It does not build trust or relationships. avoid “positional bargaining” which tends to deal only with the tip of the iceberg. Look underneath to find the substance.

The word NEGOTIATE comes from the Latin: NEG = not; OTIO = leasure; and orginally meant to “conduct business”. Negotiating takes effort. It is really a people process.

People tend to think in bi-polar terms: Win Lose Right Wrong All Nothing Success Failure Good Bad Ally Enemy Black White Us Them Moral Immoral Perfect Flawed Partner Opponent Overcome bi-polar thinking by introducing a THIRD or MULTIPLE options.

INFLUENCING OTHERS: People will only change and “play ball” when, in their terms, it makes sense for them to do so. And, it makes more sense when they come to the conclusions themselves. Therefore, to influence others, don’t TELL them, ask open-ended questions which will draw them to the conclusions you wish to make.

A man in an insane asylum kept insisting he was Jesus Christ. Two psychologists after talking with him for a while asked “Are you REALLY Jesus Christ?” The man replied “Yes.” The psychologists left and returned shortly with some roughly hewn posts and some nails. As they approached the man he blurted out “Hold on, I’m reconsidering my position!”

OVERCOMING CONFLICT: When you ______________ (or) When (describe situation) I feel (describe feelings). What I would appreciate is (state specific change) so that WE can (state accomplishment) and avoid (state negative consequences).

Going to the balcony is a way to collect your wits in the midst of conflict, to distance yourself from your natural impulses and emotions, according to William Ury. If you mentally go to the balcony…actually picture yourself walking up the steps to a balcony…and look down on the stage of any troublesome situation, you see a bigger picture. You can get above the emotions of the moment and see the relatedness of the parts, including you! It becomes clearer that when something changes in one part of the picture, it affects the other parts. When you take the long view, you see patterns and natural cycles in behavior over time.

Questions you can use when mediating a 2 person conflict: (ask each person) 1. What contribution do you bring to the team (or organization)? 2. What actions or habits do you have that may be unsettling or irritating to the other person? 3. What does the other do that annoys you? 4. What do you find valuable about each other? 5. What outcomes do you hope for as a result of this conflict resolution process?

Common INEFFECTIVE strategies for resolving conflict: 1. Always BLAME others 2. GENERALIZE whenever possible – use words like always and never. 3. DENY that any problem exists 4. PERSONALIZE the dispute

Power Base: A large ocean liner was headed across the Atlantic from Portsmouth to New York. As it neared its destination at night, a lookout on the wing of the bridge reported “Light, bearing on the starboard bow.” “Is it steady or moving astern?” the captain called out. The lookout replied, “Steady, captain,” which meant that they were on a collision course. The captain then called to the signalman, “Signal that ship: We are on a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees.” Back came a signal, “Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees.” The captain said, “Send, I’m a captain, change course 20 degrees.” “I’m a seaman, second class,” came the reply. “You had better change course 20 degrees.” By that time the captain was furious. He spat out, “Send, This is the mighty ocean liner, HMS Franconia. Change course 20 degrees.” Back came the flashing light, “This is a lighthouse, suggest you change course 20 degrees.” Needless to say, the ocean liner changed course!

Use non-verbal communication to SOFTEN the hard-line position of others: S = Smile O = Open Posture F = Forward Lean T = Touch E = Eye Contact N = Nod

Win-Win NEGOTIATING is: Two or more parties COMMUNICATE to reach an AGREEMENT in which all parties feel their NEEDS are satisfied and all parties are COMMITTED to follow through, based on a foundation of common and opposing INTERESTS, and aimed at maintaining or enhancing the RELATIONSHIP.

Handling ANGER: You can’t calm another person down. Their thoughts got them angry. Only their thoughts can calm them down. Your role is to try to influence their thoughts.

Tell the TRUTH: A man came across a rare antique desk. He “bargained” to get the best price, telling them he only really wanted the legs, not disclosing the true value of the object. After striking an agreement, he arranged to pick up the desk the next day. When he arrived, he found that they had cut the table in pieces! “Why?” he asks. “Well,” they reply, “We noticed you had a very small car and thought that it would be difficult for you to put the whole desk in, so, since you really only wanted the legs anyway….”

You don’t have to worry about being bit if the dog doesn’t have any teeth.

Work on developing a cooperative relationship, so when conflict comes, you believe you are allies.

Within-group conflict is always personal and emotional — even if it begins with impersonal issues.

Win/win is an attitude, not an outcome

When you throw mud at others, not only do you lose a lot of ground, you also get your hands dirty.

When we perceive conflict as a threat to our ego, our reaction is to defend or attack.

When conflict becomes a win-lose contest in our minds, we immediately try to win.

Well-managed, cooperative conflict contributes to the productivity and innovativeness of organizations and the competence and well-being of people.

We own almost all our knowledge not to those who have agreed but to those who have differed.

We do not have to agree; we do need to understand.

Unresolved conflict leads to less-than-adequate performance, resentments, and lack of motivation.

UNDERSTANDING does not necessarily mean AGREEMENT.

Under normal conditions, most people tend to see what they want to see, hear what they want to hear, and do what they want to do; in conflicts, their positions become even more rigid and fixed.

Through conflict we get to unity.

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.

The number one goal in resolving a conflict is to make sure both sides maintain their self-esteem.