When you throw mud at others, not only do you lose a lot of ground, you also get your hands dirty.

He's like a pillow. He reflects the last head that's laid against him.

Children aren't coloring books. You don't get to fill them with your favorite colors.
- from "Kite Runner"

ROMANCE
without
FINANCE
can too soon become a
NUISANCE.

We hate some persons because we do not know them; and we will not know them because we hate them.
- Charles Caleb Colton

The Four Agreements (A simple but powerful code of conduct for attaining personal freedom, true happiness and stress-free relationships and encounters)
1. Be impeccable With Your Word
2. Don't Make Assumptions
3. Don't Take Anything Personally
4. Always Do Your Best
- Based on the book by Don Miguel Ruiz

I Took a Piece of Plastic Clay

    

I took a piece of plastic clay

            And idly fashioned it one day --

And as my fingers pressed it, still

            It moved and yielded at my will.     

I came again when days were past;

            The bit of clay was hard at last.

The form I gave it, still it bore,

            And I could change that form no more.       

I took a piece of living clay,

            And gently formed it day by day,

And molded with my power and art

            A young child's soft and yielding heart.

I came again when years were gone;

            It was a man I looked upon.

He still that early impress bore,

            And I could change it never more.

- Charles Luman Bright



Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead.

The easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one.
- Joan Baez

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
- Samuel Johnson

Some relationships are like leftovers in the refrigerator after Thanksgiving. You are better off when the turkey's gone!

I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them.
- Jane Austen

Always remember that everyone with whom you have a relationship has an invisible sign on their forehead that says "Make Me Feel Important. Treat them accordingly.
- Simon Cowell's father

Society, my dear, is like salt water, good to swim in but hard to swallow.
- Arthur Stringer

Tact is the ability to make a person see lightning without letting him feel the bolt.
- Orlando A. Battista

If men could only know each other, they would neither idolize nor hate.
- Elbert Hubbard

To predict the behavior of ordinary people in advance, you only have to assume that they will always try to escape a disagreeable situation with the smallest possible expenditure of intelligence.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters.
- Margaret Halsey

Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them.
- Franklin P. Adams

Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.
- Shakespeare

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
- Albert Camus

Hold on loosely, but don't let go.
If you cling too tightly,
You're gonna lose control.
- D. Barnes, J. Carlisi, J. Peterik (.38 Special)



The Drug Problem

I had a drug problem when I was young:
I was drug to church on Sunday mornings.
I was drug to gatherings of friends and family no matter the weather.
I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.
I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity.
I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad's fields.
I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.
Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, or think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if some of today's children had this kind of drug problem the world would be a better place.


People will forget what you said.
They will forget what you did.
But they will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou

When you give with love, not expectation, you receive more than you ever thought possible.

The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.
- Pascal

They say marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning.
- Clint Eastwood

In a nutshell, loving someone is about giving, not receiving.
- Nicholas Sparks

Want to improve your relationships? See love as a verb rather than as a feeling.
- Stephen Covey

The formula for a successful relationship is simple:
Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities, but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp

We know the truth, not only by the reason, but by the heart.
- Pascal

You know how they say we only use 10 percent of our brains? I think we only use 10 percent of our hearts.
- Owen Wilson (in Wedding Crashers)

My tongue will tell the anger of my heart, or else my heart, concealing it, will break.
- Shakespeare

Hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything.
- Billy Graham

If you know why you drive others up a wall, perhaps you can help them down.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
- Mahatma Gandhi

Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.
- Mel Brooks

It is wrong to waste the precious gift of time on acrimony and division.

Don't try to control someone else. It won't work. Think about a newborn infant. How much control do you have over whether it wants to poop, eat or cry? And you think you can control an adult!? Control yourself and you will then be truly ready to exert a positive influence on others.

It's just like magic! When you live by yourself, all of your annoying habits are gone!
- Merrill Markoe

If you want to have someone to hold onto
You're gonna have to learn to let go.

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about.
- Jay Leno

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

We can do no great things; only small things with great love.
- Mother Teresa

One thing I know; the only ones among you who will be truly happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.
- Albert Schweitzer

Civility costs nothing, and buys everything.
- Lady Mary Wortley Montagu

He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help.
- Abraham Lincoln

Never has true self sacrificing love made a bad circumstance worse.

Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.

Remember the 3 R's: Respect for self, Respect for others, Responsibility for your actions

A smile is a curve that sets things straight.

When your host feigns death, it is well neigh you left.

Flattery is like chewing gum. Enjoy it, but don't swallow it.
- Hank Ketcham

Whenever you're about to criticize anyone, remember that not all people in this world have had the same advantages you've had.
- The Great Gatsby

It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no one can sincerely try to help another with helping himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

If I have kept one heart from breaking,
I have not lived in vain.
If I have relieved one body the aching,
I have not lived in vain.
If I have helped one from fainting
I have not lived in vain.
- Emily Dickenson

Gossip is just news running ahead of itself in a red satin dress.
- Liz Smith

Everyone can be great, because everyone can serve.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Caring for each other is the rock upon which a good society is built.
- Robert Greenleaf

Instead of loving what you think is peace, love other men and women and love God above all else. Instead of hating all the people you think are warmongers, hate the appetites and disorders in your own soul which are the causes of war.
- Thomas Merton

Wars are fought to see who owns the land, but in the end it possesses man. Who dares say he owns it – is he not buried beneath it?
- Cochise, Chiricahua Apache

You can have what you want if you help other people get what they want.
- Zig Ziglar

Most "needy" people are looking for a hand up, not a hand-out.

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace. Where there is hatred let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon.
- Francis of Assisi

What other people think of me is NONE of my business.
- "Mama" (Lynn Porter’s mother)

Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.
- Sir James Matthew Barrie

Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots.
- Frank A. Clark

Every life is a work of art, shaped by the person who lives it.

Don't open a shop unless you know how to smile.
- Jewish proverb

Without mistakes, there is no forgiveness.
Without forgiveness, there is no love.

Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and wrong… because sometime in your life you will have been all of these.

Blow, blow, thou winter wind, thou art not so unkind as man's ingratitude.
- W. Shakespeare

Embracing conflict can be a joy when we know that irritation and frustration can lead to growth and the re-engergizing of ourselves and others.

Commandment number one of any truly civilized society is this: Let people be different.
- David Grayson

One kind word can warm three winter months.
- Japanese proverb

"When you shout obscenities, you downgrade the game, the public - and the way you're going to be remembered," says Rod Laver, the two-time winner of tennis' Grand Slam. Asked the worst thing he ever said to an umpire, Laver replies, "It would have to have been, 'Are you sure?'"

The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.
- Norman Vincent Peale

The best exercise for the heart is to reach down and pull other people up.

Love All, Serve All.
- pocket logo, Hard Rock Cafe

We make a living by what we get,
but we make a life by what we give.
- Winston Churchill

Happiness is a by-product of an effort to make someone else happy.
- Gretta Booker Palmer

Do what you can to make a genuine difference in other people's lives.
- Charles Handy, Author

People will respond in a manner consistent with the way they are being treated.

After the verb 'to love,' 'to help' is the most beautiful verb in the world.
- Bertha von Suttner

Two important things are to have a genuine interest in people and to be kind to them. Kindness, I've discovered, is everything.
- Isaac Bashevis Singer

Trust: The reputation of a thousand years may be undermined by the conduct of one hour.
- Japanese proverb

People may doubt what you say, but they always believe what you do.

When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie

Trust is the residue of promises fulfilled.

What I am, at any given moment in the process of my becoming a person, will be determined by my relationships with those who love me or refuse to love me, with those I love or refuse to love.
- John Powell

Swallowing your pride occasionally will never give you indigestion.

No one is fit to be trusted with power. ... No one. ... Any man who has lived at all knows the follies and wickedness he's capable of. ... And if he does know it, he knows also that neither he nor any man ought to be allowed to decide a single human fate.
- C. P. Snow, The Light and the Dark

Six ways to make deposits to build an emotional bank account:
1. Empathize
2. Remember the Little Things
3. Keep Commitments
4. Clarify and Fulfill Expectations
5. Be Loyal
6. Sincerely Apologize When You Make a Mistake
- Stephen R. Covey

You got to sing like you don't need the money
Love, like you'll never get hurt
You got to dance like nobody's watchin'
It's gotta come from the heart
If you want it to work
- Written by Susanna Clark and Richard Leigh; Performed by Kathy Mattea

DROP A PEBBLE
by James William Foley
Drop a pebble in the water, just a splash and it is gone.
But there's half a hundred ripples circling on and on and on.
They are spreading, spreading, spreading, and the ripples rise and fall.
While the music of their swelling brings a thought for one and all.
As you watch the waves of water as they widen round and round.
Think how simple were their starting, just a pebble from the ground.
Drop an unkind word in carelessness, in a second it is gone.
But there's half a hundred ripples circling on and on and on.
They are spreading, ever spreading from the center as they go,
And there's not a way to stop them once you've started them to flow.
And perhaps in some sad heart, a mighty wave of tears you've stirred,
And disturbed a life once happy when you dropped that unkind word.
Drop a word of cheer and kindness, in a moment it is gone.
But there's half a hundred ripples circling on and on and on,.
Bearing sons of hope and gladness on each buoyant joyous wave,
Till you'd not believe the volume from the little thought you gave.
And you've rolled a wave of comfort, whose sweet music may be heard.
Circling miles and miles around you, just by dropping that kind word!

VARIANTS ON THE GOLDEN RULE:
- As ye would that men should do to you, do ye also unto them likewise. (Luke, King James Version)
- What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others. (Confucious)
- He has observed the Golden Rule 'til he's become a golden fool. (William Blake)
- I do unto others what they do unto me, only worse. (Jimmy Hoffa)
- Treat others the way they want to be treated. (sometimes called the Platinum Rule)
- Absolutely speaking, Do unto others as you would that they should do unto you, is by no means a golden rule, but the best of current silver. It is golden not to have any such rule at all in such a case. (Henry David Thoreau)

Atticus was right. One time he said you never really know a man until you stand in his shoes and walk around in them.
- Scout Finch in Harper Lee's "To Kill a Mockingbird "

The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that is the essence of inhumanity.
- George Bernard Shaw

What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity.
- Joseph Addison

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

The Paradoxical Commandments by Dr. Kent M. Keith

·  People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
      Love them anyway.

·  If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
      Do good anyway.

·  If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies.
      Succeed anyway.

·  The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
      Do good anyway.

·  Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
      Be honest and frank anyway.

·  The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
      Think big anyway.

·  People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
      Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

·  What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
      Build anyway.

·  People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
      Help people anyway.

·  Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
      Give the world the best you have anyway.
It is reported that a version of the above was posted on the wall at Mother Teresa's orphanage for children in Calcutta, with the following verse added at the end:
You see, in the final analysis, it is between God and you. It was never between them and you anyway.

Rare is the person who can weigh the faults of others without his thumb on the scale.
- Byron Langfeld

Everyone needs some kind attention now and then.
- Christopher Robin


These things I wish for each of you
by Paul Harvey (edited by Grant M. Bright)

We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better. I'd really like for them to know about hand-me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meatloaf sandwiches. I really would. I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated. I hope you learn to make your bed and mow the lawn and wash the car. And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.
It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep. I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in. I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him. When you want to see a movie and your little sister wants to tag along, I hope you'll let her.
I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely. On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your 'driver' to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom. If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one. I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books. When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head. I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what Ivory soap tastes like.
May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole. I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend.
I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma and go fishing with your Uncle. May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy at weddings and the birth of a baby. I hope your Mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through a neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you when you bring home a mold of your hand from school.
These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.


In some way you influence everyone you come in contact with. Pay careful attention to what pushes people's mental buttons. If you can push those buttons for the better, do it.
- Scott Adams, Cartoonist

The more I meet people, the more I start liking my Dog.

The smallest good deed is better than the grandest good intention.
- Duguet

Others may hate you, but they can’t win unless you hate them and then you destroy yourself.
- Richard Nixon

INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE
Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
Memorize your favorite poem.
Don't believe all you hear, or spend all you have, or loaf all you want.
When you say, "I love you," mean it.
When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
Believe in love at first sight.
Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
Love deeply and passionately. You may get hurt, but it's the only way to live life completely.
In disagreements, fight fairly. No name-calling.
Don't judge people by their relatives, or by the life they were born into.
Teach yourself to speak slowly but think quickly.
When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
Call a relative. Let them know you care.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
Follow the three R's:
Respect for self,
Respect for others, and
Responsibility for all your actions.
Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
Marry a person you love to talk to. As you get older, his/her conversational skills will be even more important.
Spend some time alone.
Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Read more books. Television is no substitute.
Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
Trust in your beliefs but lock your car.
A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
Do all you can to create a tranquil, harmonious home.
In disagreements with loved ones deal only with the current situation.
Don't bring up the past.
Don't just listen to what someone is saying. Listen to why they are saying it.
Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
Be gentle with the earth.
Pray or meditate. There's immeasurable power in it.
Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
Mind your own business.
Don't trust anyone who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss.
Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. It is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
Live with the knowledge that your character is your destiny.
Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Tom E. Jones says you should develop supportive relationships with people who can play one or more of the following roles in your life:

·  Confidence Builder

·  Challenger

·  Motivator

·  Sustainer

·  Friend

Justice will only be achieved when those who are not injured by crime feel as indignant as those who are.
- King Solomon

Associate with people who have CHIPs:
Character
Honesty
Integrity
Principles
And try to be one yourself.
- John Mariotti

Showing humility doesn't mean you think less of yourself, it just means that you think of yourself less.

There are two phrases that are not used enough: Thank you and I'm sorry. The statement Love means never having to say you're sorry from the movie Love Story is one of the most ridiculous statements to ever make it into the mainstream.

How well do you really know your SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
A thorough knowledge leads to a deep friendship, and that is the key to a lasting marriage, says John Gottman in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Answer these true/false questions adapted from his book:
I can name my partner's best friends.
I know what stresses that my partner currently faces.
I know the names of those who have been irritating my partner lately.
I know some of my partner's life dreams.
I am very familiar with my partner's religious beliefs.
I can outline my partner's basic philosophy of life.
I can list the relatives my partner likes least.
I know my partner's favorite music.
I can list my partner's favorite three movies.
I know the most stressful thing that happened to my partner in childhood.
I can list my partner's major aspirations.
I know what my partner would do if he/she won the lottery.
I can relate in detail my first impressions of my partner.
I ask my partner about his/her world periodically.
I feel my partner knows me fairly well.
Scoring: If you answered true to more than half, this is an area of strength in your marriage. You know what makes your partner tick. If not, take time to learn more about your spouse to make your relationship stronger, Gottman says.


JUST A MOTHER?
by Beth Dittrich

A few months ago, when I was picking up the children at school, another mother I knew well rushed up to me. Emily was fuming with indignation.
"Do you know what you and I are?" she demanded. Before I could answer and I didn't really have one handy she blurted out the reason for her question.
It seemed she had just returned from renewing her driver's license at The County Clerk's office.
Asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation, Emily had hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
"What I mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have a job, or are you just a.....?"
"Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a mother."
"We don't list 'mother' as an occupation...'housewife' covers it," said the recorder emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."
"And what is your occupation?" she probed.
What made me say it, I do not know. The words simply popped out.
"I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right.
I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words.
Then I stared with wonder as my pompous pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire. "Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters (the whole darned family) and already have four credits (all daughters).
"Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are in satisfaction rather than just money."
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model (6 months) in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt triumphant! I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another mother."
Motherhood...what a glorious career. Especially when there's a title on the door!


Trust Builders:
1. Empathize
2. Remember the little things
3. Keep commitments
4. Clarify expectations
5. Be loyal
6. Sincerely apologize

I can live for two months on a good compliment.
- Mark Twain

The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated
- William James

Praise is like champagne. It is best served while still bubbly.

Respect can not be learned, chased or acquired - it can only be earned.

A true friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else.
- Len Wein

If your friend won't lend you fifty dollars, he's probably a close friend.

A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.
- William Arthur Ward

The greatest good we can do for others is not to share our riches but to reveal theirs.

You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie

If you treat a person as he is, he will become what he is; if you treat a person as he could
be, he will become what he can be.

To err is human; to blame it on others is even more human.

If you know why you drive others up a wall, perhaps you can help them down.

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
- Mark Twain

How do they train killer whales to jump over the rope at Sea World? Do they hang a rope 20 feet over the pool and then shout to the whale "Up, up, up!" No. They start with the rope under the water. When the whale swims over the rope, it gets rewarded. Then the rope is gradually raised. Each time the whale swims over it, again, a reward is given. How often do you give a "reward" to those with whom you work? Only when the final goal is reached or do you give praise along the way as incremental progress is made?
- favorite story of Ken Blanchard who has worked with the Sea World staff in San Diego

Don't "should" on people. When people complain, say "I know you wouldn't complain unless it was important, right?" Then say "If it's important, I'm sure you would like to solve it, right?" Then ask "What are some of the options that are open to you?"

All of us have something to learn.
All of us have something to teach.

Everyone has a preferred pathway to excellence and to err is human.

The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.

We are all part of a learning experience; we are all resources to others.

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

When it comes to people, there are few simple answers.

When you hire people who are smarter than you are, you prove you are
smarter than they are.

Don't try to control someone else. It won't work. Think about a newborn infant. How much control do you have over whether it wants to poop, eat or cry? And you think you can control an adult!? Control yourself and you will then be truly ready to exert a positive influence on others.

Statement: "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times ..."
Response: "If you've told me a thousand times, isn't it about time that you learned something?"

Relationship is the hub of the universe.

If wisdom's ways you'd wisely seek,
five things observe with care,
Of whom you speak, to whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.

So remarkably perverse is the nature of man that he despises those that court him and admires whoever will not bend before him.
- Thucydides

Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow with out it.
- Jess Fair

There's nothing so kingly as kindness, and nothing so royal as truth.

Oh many a shaft at random sent,
finds mark the archer little meant,
and many a word at random spoken,
may soothe or wound a heart that's broken.
- Scott

If you know why you drive others up a wall, perhaps you can help them down.

Rules for Being Human (found on a refrigerator in Toronto):
1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.
2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.
3. There are not mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error and experimentation. The failed experiments are as much as part of the process as the experiments that ultimately work.
4. A lesson is repeated until learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can then go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
6. "There" is no better place then "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will, again, look better than "here."
7. Others are merely a mirror of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie inside of you. The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen and trust.
10. You will forget all this.

What gets rewarded gets repeated.
- Jack Clemmer

The surest way to knock a chip off a fellow's shoulder is by patting him on the back.

The greatest good we can do for others is not to share our riches, but to reveal theirs.

The inherent preferences of organizations are clarity, certainty and perfection. The inherent nature of human relationships involves ambiguity, uncertainty, and imperfection. How one honors, balances, and integrates the needs of both is the real trick of feedback.
- Richard Pascale and Anthony Athos

It takes a rare person to want to hear what he doesn't want to hear.
- Dick Cavett

Never criticize until the person is convinced of your unconditional confidence in their abilities.
- Coach John Robinson

It is very difficult to apply the old Indian adage 'Do not judge another until you have walked a mile in his moccasins,' unless you get out of your own moccasins first.
- Thomas Crum

Understanding the diversity of our gifts enables us to begin taking the crucial step of trusting each other.
- Max DePree

If there is little or no trust, there is no foundation for permanent success.

Understanding the diversity of our gifts enables us to begin taking the crucial step of trusting each other.
- Max DePree

Trust is the lubrication that makes it possible for organizations to work.
- Warren Bennis

People loan their trust, they don't give it.
- Doug Smith

Poor communication is a symptom of poor performance and low trust -- not the cause.

Trust is difficult to define, but we know when it's present and when it's not.
- Warren Bennis

Trust resides squarely between faith and doubt.
- Warren Bennis

You don't build trust over the wire. Building trust takes flesh and blood.
- Lipnack & Stamps

You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view.
- Harper Lee

Everyone needs to know and feel he is needed...everyone wants to be treated as an individual.
- Jan Carlzon

Understanding and accepting diversity enables us to see that each of us is needed. It also enables us to begin to think about being abandoned to the strengths of others, and admitting that we cannot know or do everything.
- Max DePree

My green thumb came only as a result of the mistakes I made while learning to see things from the plant's point of view.
- H. Fred Ale

What we must decide is perhaps how we are valuable, rather than how valuable we are.
- Edgar Z. Friedenber

The effective team leader acknowledges individual differences, and challenges the team to meet as many individual needs as possible while achieving the team's goals.
- Fran Rees

Understanding is the willingness to put yourself in another's shoes for the sake of appreciating that person's experience of the world.
- Tom Rusk M.D.

Two heads are better than one only if they contain different opinions.
- Kenneth Kaye

Conflicting cultural values increase the risk of creating misunderstandings and decrease the morale and often alienate customers or business partners.
- Sylvia Odenwald

It's the things in common that make relationships enjoyable, but it's the little differences that make them interesting.

It is far better to be trusted and respected that it is to be liked.

If there be any truer measure of a man than by what he does, it must be what he gives.
- Robert South

The entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one person.
- Vii Putnam

Tact is rubbing out another's mistake instead or rubbing it in.

It is better to have loved and lost than to have hated and won.

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

Some people feel they work in an environment where doing a good job is like wetting your pants in a dark suit ...it gives you a warm feeling but nobody notices!

MARRIAGE: The plural of spouse is spice.

If you continually give, you will continually have.

Those who are at war with others are not at peace with themselves.
- William Hazlitt

It is much easier to be critical than to be correct.
- Benjamin Disraeli

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.
- Kin Hubbard

To give without any reward, or any notice, has a special quality of its own.
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Prejudices are often based on pigments of our imagination.

Everything in the world we want to do or get done, we must do with and through people.
- Earl Nightingale

MARRIAGE: is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
- Professor Irwin Cory

We own almost all our knowledge not to those who have agreed but to those who have differed.
- Charles Caleb Colton

A Short Course in Human Relations:
The six most important words: I admit I made a mistake
The five most important words: You did a good job
The four most important words: What is YOUR opinion?
The three most important words: If you please
The two most important words: Thank You
The one most important word: We
The least important word: I

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
- Philo

Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.

The key to understanding others is to first understand yourself.

Every man, however wise, needs the advice of some sage friend in the affairs of life.
- Plautus

The greatest need of every human being is the need for appreciation.

Friendship is like vitamins, we supplement each other's minimum daily requirements.

Never build your emotional life on the weaknesses of others.

We are not put on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through.

Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.

The greatest good we can so for others is Not to share OUR riches But to reveal THEIRS.

By working to improve your relationships with others you may be able to avoid the line from country western music: "I couldn't see you leaving, but I can sure see you're gone!"

An individual without information can't take responsibility. An individual with information can't help but take responsibility.
- Jan Carlzon, CEO SAS

The real secret of happiness is not what you have or what you receive; it's what you share.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Friendship is like a bank account. You can't continue to draw on it without making deposits.

Never give advice in a crowd.
- Arabian proverb

Actually, the streets are quite safe today, it's the people on them who aren't.

Children smile on the average 400 times/day; Adults: 15 times/day. Ever wonder why?

Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.

EMOTION is Energy in MOTION.

Men give away nothing so liberally as their advice.

The best index to a person's character is how he treats people who can't do him any good, and how he treats people who can't fight back.
- Abigail Van Buren

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost;
When health is lost, something is lost;
When character is lost, all is lost.

We give advice by the bucket, but take it by the drop.

Harsh counsel has no effect. It is like a hammer which is always repulsed by the anvil.

Small kindnesses, small courtesies, small considerations, habitually practiced in our social intercourse, give a greater charm to the character than the display of great talents and accomplishments.
- Mary Ann Kelty

COMMITMENT: There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos (coyotes, rattlesnakes, etc. depends upon area of the country).

Advice is like snow. The softer it falls the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind.
- Coleridge

Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.

I like my tailor. He takes my measurements anew each time he sees me, whereas others expect me to fit old measurements.
- G.B. Shaw

He that gives good advice builds with one hand; he that gives good counsel and example builds with both; but he that give good admonition and bad example builds with one hand and pulls down with the other.
- Francis Bacon

10 COMMANDMENTS OF CORRECTING:
1. Thou shalt remember prior good deeds before thou passeth judgment
2.
Thou shalt be aware that mortals err, often inadvertently
3. Before correcting, thou shalt find out what happened and why
4. Thou shalt not lose thy temper while correcting
5. Thou shalt not call employees "creative names"
6. Thou shalt not dredge up old misjudgments
7. Thou shalt make sure that all previous tutelages were received with clarity and understanding 8. Thou shalt check for insufficiencies in the skills of the error- maker
9. Thou shalt make thy corrections in private
10. After correcting, thou shalt discuss how such activities will be done in the future

10 COMMANDMENTS OF REWARDING:
1. Thou shalt seek out productive behavior
2. Thou shalt keep in mind that positive feedback to the employee is as the winds are to the eagle
3. Thou shalt offer gentle and frequent praise
4. Thou shalt reward valiant attempts as well as partial accomplishments
5. Thou shalt praise quickly after the event
6. Thou shalt remember that rewards declared in the presence of peers will multiply the power of the praise
7. Thou shalt tailor the reward to fit the deed and the doer alike
8. Thou shalt keep in thy memory that rewards yearned for by the accomplisher are the most appreciated
9. Thou shalt know that dollars are not the only reward
10. Thou shalt know that the language of the body can be as powerful as the speech of the tongue

When you look at others, imagine they are wearing a small sign around their neck that shouts in large letters: PMMFI (pronounced pum-fee). Pum-fee stands for "Please make me feel important!" Remember, people thrive on honest praise.

To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.
- John C. Collins

ETHICAL MUSTS:
The six core ethical values parents should be teaching and modeling for their children, according to the Aspen Declaration on Character Education are:
1. RESPECT
2. RESPONSIBILITY
3.
TRUSTWORTHINESS
4.
CARING
5.
JUSTICE AND FAIRNESS
6.
CIVIC VIRTUE AND CITIZENSHIP

People don't CARE how much you KNOW, until they KNOW how much you CARE.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
- Mahatma Gandhi

HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICT:
When you ______________ (or) When (describe situation) I feel (describe feelings). What I would appreciate is (state specific change) so that WE can (state accomplishment) and avoid (state negative consequences).

Everybody you meet knows something better than you - find it and use it.

How to bring out the best in others:
1. Ask your people to share their ideas
2. Welcome change
3. Set challenging goals and measure performance
4. Be generous with feedback
5. Reward initiative
6. Develop people who show special potential

No matter what accomplishments you make, somebody helped you.
- Althea Gibson

We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions.
- Ian Percy

Harsh counsels have no effect; they are like hammers which are always repulsed by the anvil.
- Helvetius

Advice is like snow: the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon and the deeper it sinks into the mind.
- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

He that gives good advice builds with one hand; he that gives good counsel and example builds with both; but he that gives good admonition and bad example builds with one hand and pulls down with the other.
- Francis Bacon

Use non-verbal communication to SOFTEN the hard-line position of others:
S = Smile
O = Open Posture
F = Forward Lean
T = Touch
E = Eye Contact
N = Nod

To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.
- John C. Collins

Every man, however wise, needs the advice of some sagacious friend in the affairs of life.
- Plautus

As a result of trying to solve the "big" problems we face in life, many of us end up sacrificing individual relationships by doing things that we may consider as being small or insignificant at the time. This reminds us of the George and Gracie routine where George asks Gracie, "How do you cook a pot roast?" She replied, "I put both a big pot roast and a small pot roast in the oven. When the small one is burnt, the big one is done just right!"

We give advice by the bucket, but take it by the grain.
- William Alger

When bitten by a poisonous snake, what's the best thing to do? Remain quiet, suck the poison out. What's the worse thing to do? Get upset, chase the snake and kill it. When unintentionally or intentionally the victim of an unkind remark, what's the best thing to do? Forgive, move on, let go of the anger and resentment. What's the worse thing to do? Strike back, harbor resentment and anger.

Always do what is right. It will gratify most of the people, and astound the rest.
- Mark Twain

Some consultants are like the bottom half of a double boiler: They get all heated up but don't know what's cooking.

A Smile costs nothing.
Yet it's worth so much.
It happens in a flash
And the memory sometimes lasts forever.
It cannot be bought, begged, borrowed or stolen,
But it is something that is no earthly
Good to anyone
Until it is given away.
So, if in your hurry or rush
You meet someone who is too weary
To give you a smile...
Leave yours.
For no one needs a smile
So much as he who has none.

The Value of a Smile:
An electric lineman once came in contact with a live wire, and the left side of his face was paralyzed. The jury in considering the damages, asked him to smile, but he could only smile on one side of his face; they subsequently awarded him $100,000 damages. If half a smile is worth so much and yet costs nothing then we certainly ought to have it in good working order, ready for constant use. However, we should remember that one who doesn't smile is no better off than one who can't smile.

Happiness held is the seed; Happiness shared is the flower.

People need your love the most when they appear to deserve it the least.
- John Harrigan

The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me. The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them.
- George Bernard Shaw

Everyone is like a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
- Mark Twain

By doing simple acts of kindness for others, we can't help but lift ourselves up, too.

TRUST: Many organizations (unknowingly) operate by the 97/3 rule. This rule postulates that 97 percent of all people tend to be honest, loyal and hard working. However, 3 percent are sociopaths and not to be trusted. Many organizations, due to fear of the sociopathic element, put systems in place to protect the organization from the things the 3 percent might do. Unfortunately, these systems are then applied to the 97 percent as well, who feel, as a result, that the organization doesn't trust them.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
- Mark Twain

A man at a pay booth in a restaurant was overheard by the restaurant manager making a call. "Hello, Mr. Smith?" he was heard to say. "I understand you have been looking for an assistant." He paused to listen to the response. "Oh, you hired one two months ago and are pleased with your choice? Well, thank you anyway. I hope you continue to be satisfied with your decision." When he hung up the phone, the restaurant manager commented, "I happened to overhear your conversation. I'm sorry you didn't get a shot at that job." "Oh, that's all right," the man replied, "That was my boss. I was hired as his assistant three months ago and I was just phoning to find out how I'm doing!" Employees like to know how they are doing. When was the last time that you as a manager gave them some positive feedback? - or do you wait until they ask or call you?

There is a big difference between thinking: "I'm in a relationship and something's wrong. Therefore something must be wrong with the relationship." and thinking "I'm in a relationship and we've got problems. This is evidence that you are different than me."
- Wayne Dyer

Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important.
- T.S. Eliot

The most important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother.

When an elderly woman was asked why she was standing in line to buy stamps from a teller when she could have used a stamp machine she replied: "The machine won't ask me about my arthritis!"

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

PRAISE LOUDLY. Blame softly.

Charm is the ability to make someone think that both of you are quite wonderful.

To find out what others are feeling, don't "prod" or "poke". If you want play with a turtle, you can't get it to come out of its shell by prodding and poking it with a stick, you might kill it. Be gentle not harsh, hard or forceful.

I'd rather see a sermon
Than hear one any day;
I'd rather one should walk with me
Than merely show the way.
The eye's a better pupil,
And more willing than the ear;
Fine counsel is confusing,
But example's always clear.
I soon can learn to do it,
If you'll let me see it done;
I can see your hands in action,
But your tongue too fast may run;
And the lectures you deliver
May be very fine and true,
But I'd rather get my lesson
By observing what you do.
For I may misunderstand you
And the high advise you give,
But there's no misunderstanding
How you act and how you live.
- Anonymous

Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.
- Jacob M. Braude

Really big people are, above everything else, courteous, considerate and generous - not just to some people in some circumstances - but to everyone all the time.
- T.J. Watson Jr.

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.
- Confucius

I don't like that man. I'm going to have to get to know him better.
- Abraham Lincoln

Think about the qualities of the best managers you ever worked for. You'll find that most of them:
- were approachable and easy to talk to
- rarely became overexcited or flew off the handle
- didn't let a few problems poison their whole outlook took a friendly, pleasant, positive approach
- showed consideration for the feelings of the people who worked for them

You can buy a person's time; you can buy their physical presence at a given place; you can even buy a measured number of their skilled muscular motions per hour.
But you can not buy enthusiasm . . .
You can not buy loyalty . . .
You can not buy the devotion of hearts, minds, or souls.
You must earn these.
- Clarence Francis

Two parts of empathy: Skill (tip of iceberg) and Attitude (mass of the iceberg).

TRUST: "I know that you will not - deliberately or accidentally, consciously or unconsciously - take unfair advantage of me. I can put my situation at the moment, my status and self-esteem in this group, our relationship, my job, my career, even my life, in your hands with complete confidence."
- Douglas McGregor

"LOVE", the feeling, is the fruit of "LOVE", the verb.

ONE SMALL ACT OF KINDNESS: An old man was walking along the beach with his grandson. His grandson picked up each starfish they passed and threw it back into the sea. "If I leave them up here," the boy said, "they would dry up and die. I'm saving their lives." "but," protested the old man, "the beach goes on for miles, and there are millions of starfish. What you are doing won't make any difference." The boy looked at the starfish in his hand, gently threw it into the ocean, and answered: "It makes a difference to this one."

The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.
- Theodore Roosevelt

Unexpressed feelings never die; they're buried alive and come forth later in uglier ways. Let the feeling live - it dies birthing; deny the feeling life - it struggles for expression.

In the last analysis, what we ARE communicates far more eloquently than anything we SAY.

No involvement ... no commitment.

You can say "no" and smile only when there's a bigger "yes" burning inside you.

If you want to retain the loyalty of those who are present, you must show loyalty to those who are absent.

The world is moved not only by the mighty shoves of the heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker.
- Frank C. Ross

As the Moslems say: "Trust in Allah - but tie up your camel."

What kind of SERVICE do you give? Is it the best? Is it the most HONEST? A man, as a test of service stations, disconnected a spark plug wire, drove in and said he was having problems. Out of 667 garages, only 3 told him it was a spark plug wire and re-connected it for him. The rest gave him various estimates for "repairs" running from a few hundred to $3000.

End of Quotes on "Human Relations"

 

12/10/2008

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